Although I had read Tarot for many years, my journey really began when I woke up one morning with the word Kunzite in my head. I had never heard the word before and had no idea what it meant or related to. I was lucky enough to have internet at work (it seems like it has been around forever, doesn't it?). I searched for 'kunzite' and discovered it was a crystal. I was living in London at the time and that weekend I went to a well know esoteric store, and asked if they had any kunzite. They did, I bought it and, not knowing what else to do with it, I did the same thing with the crystal that I did with my tarot cards on a regular basis - I placed it under my pillow to enable it to attune to my energies.

That night I had startlingly vivid past life recall. I recognised myself and another person and even though I looked and felt different, and so did he, I had no doubt that past life memories were what I was experiencing. That happened over several nights, all with the same person.

I can't tell you how or why I knew they were past life experiences - there was no introduction, no voice or other being or energy telling me that I was experiencing past lives - I just knew and I realised I then had a choice to make: did I believe what I felt or did I dismiss it as coincidence or as an overactive imagination? If I trusted it and believed that those experiences were memories of real times and events then I had to do something about; I had to explore why and how. Or I could just turn over, go back to sleep and hope for a peaceful night's sleep!

I chose to trust - trust in myself and what I had experienced and trust that there was a reason that this had happened now.

That experience and that fact that I chose to trust in its reality has totally changed my life and its direction.

Later the same year, I was on holiday in Nerja. As is often the case when it's hot, I woke up early, around 4am. I got up and made myself a cuppa and then I went back to bed to try and sleep for a bit longer. As soon as I lay down, I felt very strange. It was like my whole body was vibrating and I felt as though I was travelling up a long tunnel. I didn't see anything; my eyes were closed but I sensed that I was in a room that was made of, and full of, light. It was a white light but soft, not harsh or piercing; wherever I moved I always seemed to be in the centre of the room and I felt amazing. I felt totally surrounded by and permeated with love. Gradually (it felt very gradual to me and yet in our linear time the whole experience was less than three minutes), I became aware of the presence of other beings near me and very clearly, as if I were speaking to you face to face, I heard the words: 'you must experience the pain of true grief'. As soon as the words were said, I felt my body vibrating again and then I was fully aware of the bed beneath me.

My first thought was one of fear; I thought that someone I was close to was going to die and that this had been a warning or premonition of some sort. My second thought was one of 'hang on a minute, that can't be right'. Why? Because I had felt nothing but love throughout the whole experience and I couldn't believe, with feeling how I did, that the words were meant as a warning, punishment, karma or in any way as a negative concept.

So, I could decide to trust in what I was feeling and believe that through whatever the words did relate to, I would be totally loved and supported or I could believe in a preconception based on the wording of a phrase and worry about what would come next.

I chose to trust.

In September of the same year I joined Lucis College's Crystal Therapy Practitioner Course. My experience with the kunzite crystal had fired my curiosity and I wanted to know more about crystals. Half way through the course, I was receiving a healing session and immediately I was back into a past life. I was with the same person as my previous past life experiences: I was dying and as I was dying I was losing my child. I could feel the warmth and stickiness of the blood between my legs. I could feel him leaning over me, crying. I could feel his fear and his guilt and I realised that my death was his fault.

I knew this was my most recent past life with this person and it explained so much about this lifetime - the intensity of feeling and the shock of recognition we both had when we saw each other. I strongly believe that he came into my life when he did to be the catalyst for my remembering, my 'awakening'.

Two years later my grandfather and my father died in close succession. Grief is always individual but can be profound, deeply emotional and intensely distressing. Grief for me also instigated a time of intense and unbelievable transformation, due I believe to the sheer intensity of the emotions and depths of despair that are raised at such times.

I believe that if I hadn't had the experience that I did in Nerja, I wouldn't have allowed my grief in the way that I did. Of course I wobbled and raged and despaired but I also remembered. I trusted that I had to experience my feelings, not shut them away or try and detach from what was happening, that I had to allow my grief. I trusted in the support and the love that I knew was with me even when I couldn't feel or sense it. I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't allowed that process to happen; it informed me enormously about who I am and made me engage with aspects of myself that I hadn't even believed existed.

When I was studying flower and gem essences with Lucis College in 2003, I received channelling from a yew tree informing me that my path was with angels and that I would work deeply with them, being a bridge between their consciousness and ours. I had been aware of angels but had not had any great involvement with them nor any deep desire to work more closely with them. Whilst that channelling did encourage me to learn more about them and begin to connect with them, I had no idea of the path that they would open to me. In 2005 as I was going to bed one evening, I suddenly became very alert and knew I was receiving an angelic channel. I grabbed a pen and notebook and within the space of about 10 or 15 minutes I had eight signatures (their word, not mine).  I knew exactly what they were and to which angels they belonged; I knew I had been given them to bring forward into the public realm and not to keep for myself; I knew that they would help people connect angelically in a different way than the generally recognised methods of the current time. I knew this. I had no idea how I was going to explain, introduce or rationalise it to others.

Again, I had a choice: to trust what I had been given, do all I could with it and trust that the Universe (and the angels) would do the rest. Or, worry about being ridiculed, about going against recognised, traditional methods and do nothing.

I chose trust.

It wasn't easy. People had questions and I didn't always have the answers. Some people looked at the signatures and saw them, felt them and simply knew them. Most looked at them with curiosity which often turned to disinterest or incomprehension when I explained what they were, unable to recognise or accept a connection with angelic energy.

More signatures came, and I still didn't know where we were going with them but I trusted myself, my angelic connection and I trusted and believed in the work that the angels were giving me. Today, I can look back and see where it was all leading and it all makes the most perfect and beautiful sense. And every stage (even the ones where I was taking two steps backward!) were vitally important, not only for the signatures but for me and my development. I had to be at the right time and at the right 'me' in order for everything to come together.

Trust is EVERYTHING. Without it we can't move forward effectively, we can't co-create with other beings and other energies; we can't enable the opening of the doors that need to be opened for our personal or spiritual development.

It isn't easy but if you can do only one thing, then let it be to allow trust. Trust in your connections, trust in the universe, and trust in yourself and in what your heart is telling you is the truth.